i know you people probly think im crazy but literly i was being her & tellin him if he really cares blah blah that he will do this & this & i told him he might want to change his status to hang out & not long term...& then he is gone...he deleted his profile  & IMed me on facebook... & this is what was said:

hey yall ok so its been a really long time...well alot has happend & im now plannin a weddin :o)

But as u know i never write in here unless im havin issues so all u hear is bad news from me. Ok so he surprised me & proposed on new years at midnight. WOW but we dint have time to enjoy it casue his uncle who went in for simple surgery asperated & died but they brought him back..but he was never consious again, we stayed at the hospital 24/7 with his aunt & rest of the family, God finally took him home, without aunt b havin to make the decison to pull the plug (his organs were failing & no brain activity) it was very sudden & very sad. But we've gone through that, been doin great, he wants to get married 10/10/10. His choice, I of course am fine with that! So we have a little time to plan a weddin & we are way behind, so thats stressful enough but then i stil havent found a job so its jus really stressful. So we have been doin really really good, like in love over the stars watever...well lately hes jus been actin kinda distant & last time i brought up the weddin & how we need to get on it because we have only 6 months, he got this scared look & turned pale. Wtf, i cant go through this again, but he told me yes hes nervous but i have nothing to worry about. Which just makes me worry. Im so distraut cause i want to be happy & plan this weddin but i cant when over my head is this big grey cloud sayin "he might cancel this again...." so im like on the verge of tears all the time. So you know how women have these gut instincts?

Well i do,& for a while somethings been tellin me to see if he stil had his datin site up..well to be fiar i did too but i hadnt been on it & thought bout it at all with everything goin on. Ok so i was no, i dont wnat to know, i was scared....but then one day he jus be actin shady & just weird so I went & searched for him & found it... last login...today. WTF ok so im like im not gonna make excuses but maybe he got a message in his email & just wanted to read it, or maybe hes doin stuff he shouldnt, so i have 2 choices: make a profile as me but not bein me or my pic & make contact with him to see what hes really up to...which would def show me alot & hurt really bad, or i could just confront him about it..the problem with that is that, he could jus lie & say that he went to delete it & had a call at work & had to leave. Or watever bullshit he can come up with.

So today i decided to look again (it was 3 days ago when i last looked) & it said online today..wtf hes at work & has class all day, so your tellin me this mornin when i was up & waitin for a goodmornin text that he was on there?! Im just so scared & alone because there isnt anyone i can talk to , my sister knows a lil bit she is younger so she doesnt have too good of advice, my best friends, love me & him but ik they are waitin for the shit to hit the fan...so im jus helpless. I feel like my world is crashing down...so i made a profile, & send him a simple message. We will see. Im scared as hell. I feel sick to my stomach & weak & clamy & when i talk to him its just like i want to say somethin but i cant & all i can think bout is that hes lying to me. I know that he wants to marry me, i know that he loves me, i know that in the end thats the way it is. Im the kind of person that if your are in any kinda of relationship you are as good as married as far a loyalty & commitment goes, but some people like i think him is like it only matters or makes a difference when your married. Well i mean would this even stop then?? I know he hasnt been doin this for at least 3 months. So why now? I know gettin married scares the hell out of him, but he proposed. Im just so confused & worried & i know im assuming the worst but i know how he works & how he acts when hes feelin like he is, like hes scared & when hes pulling away. I just dont understand why he cant be honest  & why im not enough?? I almost hate his dad for this, he was a truck driver & did this kind of stuff.

Im just like *shrug* what changed in the last month? why do this? why why why? I really cant go through this again yall, i cant loose him, i cant go through cancelling a wedding, i cant go through the embarressment. I jus want the man he is supposed to be & honesty, respect, love & devotion.

I hate when my gut is right. Im on my way to being depressed. Thats for sure. I hate this. I feel so helpless. & Im tired of my heart beating nonstop in fear. My body is already in break up mode, when u cant/dont wnat to eat, sleep doesnt come, & you got that big lump in your throat. I dont deserve this but I know hes the right one, without him life is so dull & life..less. What do I do?